Meet the trouble

Brother:

yes, that Hercules.

Intentions:

good. That doesn't help.

Physique:

built for heroics. Flirting is another discipline.

Experience:

mostly in panicking.

Desire:

Myrina. Without divine interference.

Chance of being left alone:

none.

He knows what to do when faced with a sword. “I'm cold” still requires training.

Hands:

repair pottery. And other people's mistakes.

Suitor:

gorgeous. Terrible signal reception.

Desire:

to be wanted without being owned.

With gods:

same tone. Less patience.

Knife:

within reach. Just in case.

Last word:

usually hers.

When she says “no”, there's no hidden theological puzzle.

Father:

Zeus. You can tell by the modesty.

Biceps:

more persuasive than his arguments.

Knocking:

the door is already on the floor.

Romantic advice:

generous. Clothes rarely survive it.

Drinking:

his cups have an “internal hole”.

Little brother:

his. Try forgetting that.

He can protect Iphicles. Helping him with women is the more dangerous task.

Title:

ruler of Olympus. And other people's bedrooms.

Marital status:

married. Temporarily forgets.

Courtship:

bull, swan, golden rain. Whatever works.

Paternity:

clarified after the event.

Favourite ritual:

the one Hera hasn't heard about yet.

Weak spot:

“Will you stay for breakfast?”

He's immortal. Still rushes around as though they're cutting it off tomorrow.

Husband:

Zeus. Unfortunately.

Sacred bird:

the peacock. Sees more than it should.

Memory:

indefinite. Especially for excuses.

Interests:

fidelity, promises, and where you were last night.

Favourite answer:

“Yes.” A follow-up question is coming.

Feelings:

still loves him. Which makes it worse.

Even a cloud has to prove it isn't her husband.

Domain:

the seas. Until Amphitrite arrives.

Self-esteem:

higher than the tide.

Thighs:

you will be shown them.

Flirting:

the nymphs suddenly find work elsewhere.

Witness:

Philon. Professionally agreeable.

Excuse:

“The sea held me up.” He is the sea.

Commands every current. Conversations with his wife keep getting away from him.

Profession:

messenger. And whatever else closes the deal.

Stock:

alibis with two witnesses.

Romance:

love letters with the name replaced.

Precaution:

advance warning of the husband's return.

Spectacles:

three lenses. No profit goes unnoticed.

Payment:

up front. Consequences cost extra.

He'll get you out of someone else's bed. Then send the invoice.

Profession:

bringing people together. Sometimes objects.

Aim:

depends which glass he's looking at.

Matchmaking:

a lucky dip. Consent isn't in the bowl.

Wings:

wine, an olive, and somebody's belt.

Bar tab:

apparently love is priceless.

Responsibility:

his arrow. Your problem.

If he says “Relax, it's a love arrow”, take cover.

Promise:

just one. The same cup. All night.

Programme:

health, pleasure, then sleep.

Limits:

no breaking furniture before the tenth wine bowl.

Dress code:

may have disappeared by midnight.

Memory:

we'll piece it together with witnesses tomorrow.

Experience:

knows when to water the wine. You don't yet.

You arrive on his island with clothes and plans. Don't expect to keep both.

Kingdom:

underground. The bureaucracy is very much alive.

Clients:

everyone. Sooner or later.

Guests:

Persephone decides whether he can throw them out.

Jealousy:

continues after the funeral.

Desk:

buried in petitions and marital complaints.

Holiday:

no record of one being approved.

“Till death do us part” sounds more optimistic before you've met him.

Gifts:

music, beauty, and self-promotion.

Clothes:

casually open. Very carefully.

Audience:

required to applaud. Even the forest.

Courtship:

one more verse after the rejection.

Exes:

enough for a small sacred grove.

Sister:

Artemis. Keeps a list.

He leaves behind songs, broken hearts, and unusually abundant vegetation.

Power:

over wandering eyes. And what lies below.

Temple:

no unnecessary obstacles to appetite.

Husband:

Hephaestus. A complicated detail.

Interests:

what you want, and why you're still dressed.

Marital rows:

occasionally produce cursed objects.

Belief:

truth can wait while desire is still there.

Getting someone undressed is easy. The difficult part comes afterwards.

Birth:

fully armed. Zeus noticed.

Tools:

an owl, a map, and plenty of mechanisms.

Dating manual:

inspired by observing Apollo.

Standards:

high. The candidates aren't helping.

Last suitor:

explained siege warfare to her.

Boundary:

advice isn't an invitation to bed.

She can explain courtship. First, stop explaining strategy to her.

Profession:

war. And arguing about what counts as clothing.

Armour:

present.

Tunic:

absent.

Romantic front:

Aphrodite. A complicated battlefield.

Confidence:

greater than the coverage.

Sore point:

Diomedes. Best not to start.

Ready for battle. No uniform inspection has taken place.

Gift:

golden. With very bad intentions.

Talent:

finding what you're missing.

Compliment:

exactly the one you'll believe.

Entertainment:

other people's jealousy. In good company.

Disappearance:

much quicker than the consequences.

Company:

two people comparing themselves will do.

She'll tell you you're the only one. Don't listen to what she promises the next person.

Position:

narrator. Self-appointed participant.

Discretion:

exhausted on page one.

Eye for detail:

notices everything. Especially without clothes.

Sources:

Hermes. Monthly subscription.

Payment:

in future glory. Hermes objects.

Fourth wall:

gets in the way of talking to you.

“I'm not gossiping. I'm preparing literature.”